Lucasfilm Ltd. owns all Star Wars characters and situations. Whose Line is it Anyway is also not owned by the author. In brief, the author owns nothing, but wrote this strictly for entertainment purposes. Do not repost anywhere without the permission of the author!
*music starts*
[Corran] Hello, and welcome back to Whose Line?! Our next game is called ‘Scenes From A Hat.' This is for all four of you.
*The guys get up and go to opposite sides of the stage*
[Corran] Okay, the way this works is that before the show we asked the audience to write down some funny scenes on a card, and we put the good ones in this hat.
*He pulls up an old blaster-charred stormtrooper helmet and sticks his hand inside, pulling out a card*
[Corran] Okay, the first scene is ‘Things Not To Say To The President Of The NR’.
*Wes comes out*
[Wes] Hey, sir! Is that new flea shampoo working out good for ya?
*Audience laughs, Tycho comes out*
[Tycho] Hey! I’m wearing those new jeans they named after you! *he points to the label* See? ‘Bothan Bastard Brand!'
*Audience laughs*
[Corran] Okay! Next we have ‘Famous People With Stupid Hairstyles!'
*The audience gasps as a deranged girl runs on stage wearing an ‘I love the Rogues’ t-shirt and holding a mic*
[Girl] Hi! We’re the cast of Star Wars and even though we are in a movie that takes place a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, we all have hairstyles from the seventies!
*Audience laughs. Corran, Wedge, Wes, Tycho, and Hobbie look confused*
[Tycho] What’s ‘the seventies?'
[Wes] What’s a ‘movie?'
[Wedge] What’s ‘Star Wars?'
*Security drags the girl offstage*
[Corran] Okay! Umm... I don’t know what that was all about but it sure was funny! Okay, the next scene is...
*The girl runs back onstage*
[Girl] Star Wars is real! It is! It really happe-
*The girl is wrestled to the floor by a security guard. We see that it is Dave from Jerry Springer*
[Audience] *chanting* Whose Line? Whose Line? Whose Line? Whose Line? Whose Line?...
[Dave] Shut up! Just because I decide to change careers...or...um...shows, doesn’t mean Whose Line? is a violent talk show!
[Corran] Why did you change shows?
[Dave] That show was high risk! Do you know how many times I’ve had to go to the hospital with concussions after being hit with chairs?
[Corran] Okay, back to the show!
*Dave leaves the stage with the obsessed girl*
[Corran] Our next game is called ‘Compilation Album!'
*Audience cheers*
[Corran] This game is for all four of you. Wes and Hobbie are the two guys trying to sell a music collection CD, and Wedge and Tycho will sing the songs they came up with!
*The audience says they should sing ‘Sons of the Famous Ex-Girlfriend!'
[Hobbie] Hello everyone! We will be back to our documentary ‘Mating Habits of Mynocks’ in just a moment, but first, do we have a deal for you, don’t we, Wes?
[Wes] We do? *Hobbie kicks him* Oh, right! We have over 5,000 songs on a super modified platinum compact holo disk about famous ex-girlfriends, modified just for you!
[Hobbie] And if you comlink us right now, we’ll give it to you for free!
*We see Hobbie turn to the side and pretend to talk to someone*
[Hobbie] Well, apparently our producer said we cannot give it away for free, but we will give you a small blade and put you in a room to do whatever you please with Corsec for 10 minutes if you call within the next standard hour!
[Corran] Hey!
[Wes] Let’s tell the viewers all about the great songs they will be getting in this collection, Hobbie!
[Hobbie] Okay!
*Wes looks at him*
[Wes] Aren’t you going to tell them?
[Hobbie] It was your idea.
[Wes] Okay! Hobbie?
[Hobbie] Yes, Wes?
[Wes] What’s the name of a music style that’s also a slang term for the pubic hair of an Omawati?
[Hobbie] Umm... Funk?
[Wes] No! It’s bluegrass!
[Hobbie] Oh!
*Audience laughs*
[Wes] And a really great bluegrass song off this album is 'Ha Ha Bitch, You Got Dumped!'
*Audience cheers. Tionne starts playing the music*
[Wedge] Well, we were sitting at this table talking all alone.
You think that you dumped me
I know from your smug tone
But even as we’re talking
And you’re thinking I’m a chump
You’ll know I'll be laughing behind your back ‘cause
Ha Ha Bitch, You Got Dumped!
[Tycho] You think that you’re so innocent
Running around with Wedge
I bet you have no idea
I'd like to push you off a ledge--
[Corran] Okay! That’s it for today, folks! See you next week on--
[Tycho] Hey!
[Corran] What?
[Tycho] I was in the middle of my song, you stupid cop!
[Corran] Oh, well.. Too bad. We ran out of time. See you next week!
*Tycho huffs away*
The End
Copyright October 3, 2001 by Xaverii Jade.
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