Jedi Headquarters, Imperial City, Coruscant
The next morning Armand Naberrie entered Lainey's infirmary room. Sunlight crept in through the open window, illuminating golden highlights in her hair. Color had been restored to her face, the peace of sleep smoothing her soft features. Armand walked slowly over to her bedside, taking the chair next to it. He took her right hand in his left, rubbing it gently with his thumb. "Hello, Lainey," he said softly, even though he was sure she could not hear him. He brushed her cheek with his right hand, letting his fingers linger. "Once again you're my sleeping beauty," he sighed, his fingers lingering on her cheek. "But are you truly mine?"
He focused on her hand for a moment. "I am expected to enter into negotiations with the New Republic today. After that I must return home to help the people of New Naboo get settled there in Naboo." He hesitated, lifting his dark brown eyes to her face once more. "Why is it that you're easier to talk to when I can see your eyes?" He smiled, gently tracing the shape of her eyes with his fingertips. "They've always been the most enchanting thing about you." He frowned, realizing her eyes were damp. He squeezed her hand. "Lainey?"
She opened her brilliant blue eyes, using her free hand to swipe at her tears. "Why do you have to be like this?"
"Like what?" he asked, stroking her wet cheek.
"Like...you," she sniffed, sitting up in bed. "You've been nothing but wonderful."
Smiling, he kissed her hand. "You inspire me."
Unable to restrain her tears, she shook her head, forcing up a wry eyebrow. "You've always been such a charmer."
He grinned. "That's the role of Prince Charming," he said, winking at her as he released her hand. "I have something for you." He pulled the necklace out of his pocket and placed it in her hand. "This was my great-great-grandmother's. It's a forget-me-not, I want you to have it."
Lainey stared at it, the azure stone sparkle reflecting in her eyes. "It's beautiful," she breathed, then looked up at Armand. "I can't take this."
"You can," Armand said, taking it from her to fasten it around her neck. "And you will."
She shook her head. "I have nothing even close to its worth to give to you."
"That's where you're wrong," Armand said, touching her cheek and gently turning her face to him. "You have something far more precious, beautiful, and timeless."
"What?" she asked softly.
"Your kiss," Armand replied, tilting her chin up with his thumb.
Lainey knew the danger in looking up just then. His touch was distracting enough, but when their gazes met the rest of the world slipped away, lost in the bottomless depths of Armand's eyes. The moment he tilted her chin up, sliding his free arm around her waist and drawing her close, she was lost to him. As if pulled by an invisible thread, her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips pressing softly to his. His hand trailed up her back, his lips hardening against hers. She leaned into him, falling off the side of the bed and into his lap. He laughed lightly, wrapping his arms around her waist to steady her. Lainey hung onto his neck for a moment, aware her face was pressed against the sculpted muscles of his chest. Armand leaned his head down, kissing her cheek. "Are you all right?"
She nodded, lifting her head and brushing the side of his face with her fingers. He bent his head, allowing their lips to meet again. Lainey's fingers trailed up from his cheek, running through his soft hair. She felt him open his mouth, causing her own jaw to drop. Sensing him pull away, she moved in closer, deepening the kiss. He moved his arms to cradle her, dipping her slightly back. Lainey relaxed in his arms, feeling her heart accelerate from the searing heat of his lips. He released her then, allowing time for her to breathe... and to think. Armand smiled at her, pulling her up against him for a hug. His lips brushed her ear. "I love you."
Helaine stiffened, her mind suddenly swarming with reasons why what she was doing was wrong. Emotional attachments made it hard to have the desire to go around saving the galaxy. Jealousy often attached itself to romantic love, which led to anger and hatred. Love placed another above the will of the Force. And perhaps the most important reason was that there was a thin line between love and hate. Both were a sentient being's strongest emotions, requiring complete devotion to the recipient. Though hate was supposed to imprison, while love set you free, there was often very little difference between such imprisonment and freedom. With hate you would do anything to hurt or get rid of that person. With love the question becomes what wouldn't you do for that person.
When she looked into Armand's eyes, what wouldn't she do for him?
Tears threatening once more, Helaine pushed against Armand's chest, unable to look at him when he loosened his grip on her. "What's wrong?" he asked, his tone concerned.
Helaine's chest grew uncomfortably tight as she further pulled away from him. "I can't," she said, her tone barely above a whisper. "I can't do this." She moved shakily off of his lap, moving a few steps away from him.
Armand grabbed her hand. "Can't do what?"
She stiffened, turning slowly to face him. "Love... it is forbidden."
"No, it was," Armand objected, rising to his feet. "We've discussed this before, do you remember?"
Helaine winced, lowering her head. "I... wasn't myself then."
"I don't believe that," Armand said, his fingers brushing her jaw as he lifted her face up. Helaine met his eyes for a moment, seeing the warmth that had enabled her to open up to him, the light that glowed when he smiled, and the love that had always been there to support her. She lowered her gaze while he continued talking. "While I've been here on Coruscant it could arguably be said that I haven't been myself. Without the pressure of constantly being under the public's eye, I was able to do whatever I wanted, and act how I thought was proper. I was able to be myself."
He paused, formulating his thoughts. "Without a memory you weren't governed by rules that ordered you to act a certain way, do certain things. You took what you wanted from morals that had been deeply ingrained, and shaped them into your own sense of right and wrong. You felt the pain of your past, but it didn't scar you. In that sense you were allowed to be yourself." He squeezed her hand. "That's what drew us together."
In her heart Helaine wanted nothing more than to agree with him and step right back into the warmth of his arms, but her mind knew better. Knowledge and experience shaped a person into who they were. Without it, there is nothing to draw from. "But I didn't understand the reasons those rules were put there. I do now, Armand, and I have to follow them." She closed her eyes. "The restrictions from before will draw us apart."
"Only if we let them," Armand insisted.
Helaine sniffed, feeling tears leak from her eyes. "I'm sorry, Armand."
A tense silence followed, building an invisible wall between them. Armand released her hand, taking a step away from her. "I understand."
Helaine opened her eyes, noting that while Armand kept his face expressionless, his eyes betrayed his pain. To avoid looking at him, she focused on the necklace he had given her, fingering the stone. "I better give this back to you."
"No," Armand said slowly, drawing her eyes back to him. "I couldn't give it to anyone else. Among other things, it is a symbol of hope, something that everyone needs in their lives. All I ask is that you wear it close to your heart in remembrance of me."
"I don't need it to remember you," Helaine said softly. "But I will wear it."
"Thank you," Armand said taking a hesitant step toward her. Sensing his intent, Helaine closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his neck in a farewell hug. He squeezed her tight. "Goodbye, Lainey."
"Goodbye," she said in return, relieved but at the same time sad when he released her. Helaine had to sit back down on the bed for support while she watched him go, unable to feel any contentment from making the right decision. Instead her heart ached as the door closed behind him, while words he deserved to hear escaped her mouth. "I love you too, Armand."
***
Minutes passed like hours as Helaine sat on her infirmary bed, her eyes never leaving the door that Armand had just stepped out of. Had she made the right decision in refusing to give into her feelings? Jedi were expected to have no emotion, but they were also expected to be compassionate. Helaine sighed, allowing some of her weariness to leak out with her breath. To take her mind off Armand, she focused her thoughts on the conversation she'd had with Master Skywalker last night, about how she'd misinterpreted the will of the Force, and how her life had been saved twice by its guidance. Which meant it had a purpose for her, but what?
Helaine knew that the answer to her question lay with the Force, but once again she felt herself reluctant to touch it. But for a different reason: she had doubted it. The Force had always been a part of her life, the only time it had ever left her was inside of Valdemar's basement. When she had needed it most. Helaine froze as a tendril of thought threaded its way through her mind. Had the Force really left her there, or had she just been blind to it? Was it mere chance that had caused the credit to land on tails, consequently saving her life? Or had the Force intervened?
There was only one way to find out.
Slowly, Helaine lowered herself to the floor and onto her knees, clearing her mind of all stray thought. Hesitantly she reached out with her mind, touching the sweet flow of the Force. Almost instantly millions of presences threatened to overwhelm her senses, their joys warming her own heart, and sorrows causing her own ache to deepen and throb. With practiced ease Helaine filtered the others out, seeking only the pure light and power that was the Force itself. It was then that she formed her question. What do you want me to do?
The midichlorians buzzed, forming an almost instant answer that flowed from her heart to her mind. She was there to right a wrong, and to provide answers that Master Skywalker had been seeking once he found his way, to understand the true nature of the Force. Helaine frowned. The wrong, being the knowledge that was lost during the purges?
The Force rippled, sending her an answer in the form of a vision. The Great Jedi Temple burned in a wall of dark flame, the Book of Prophecies was stolen from Obi-Wan Kenobi and thrown in the black fire that consumed the Temple. Holocrons, robes, lightsabers, and even Jedi themselves soon joined the book. It wasn't only things that joined the fire, but thoughts and memories as well, anything concerning the Jedi was destroyed, until nothing remained but a black shadow, covering all of Coruscant, then leaked out across the known worlds, tainting everyone and everything with its touch.
And on Mantooine, the credit chip landed on heads, and Helaine died alongside her Master.
The cloak of darkness was able to cover everything but one tiny spot of light that burned though Tatooine's star. Slowly it grew brighter, restoring light to everything it touched, until the entire Galaxy was glowing from its reflection. On Coruscant a temple grew from the ruins, flourishing with hope and filled with Jedi. Master Skywalker stood at the head, with no division among the ranks, and Kyp Durron stood at his side.
The vision ended there, leaving Helaine breathless and confused. She shook her head. I don't understand.
Once again she felt the Force stir, flowing through her in preparation for its answer. The Great Jedi Temple was shaken and burned but it did not fall. The Book of Prophecies made it safely to Naboo, many Jedi were consumed by the darkness, but lightsabers and holocrons found refuge in caves and storage rooms. The dark flame covered the galaxy, but was unable to fully consume it.
On Mantooine the credit chip landed on tails, and Helaine was frozen in carbonite.
The same bright light blazed from Tatooine across the galaxy, but was unable to reflect as much light. A new temple first arose on Yavin IV, its foundation weakened by fear and doubt. It fell soon after it was inhabited, collapsing under the weight of a heavy darkness. The Jedi moved to Coruscant, where hope burned brighter and a new Temple was built. Though stronger than before, it rocked under the weight of doubt, of fear, of anger... of the dark side. The Jedi were split, unable to see the true Light that struggled to redeem the Galaxy. Kyp Durron stood below and beyond Master Skywalker, heading the very corrosion that ate at the heart of the Jedi.
From the ruins of the old temple a bird emerged from ashes, circling the sky of Coruscant before landing on the new Jedi temple. Both temples crumpled and fell, their pieces coming together, forming a much larger, grander temple than before. The light moved freely through the galaxy, bringing Kyp Durron and his followers to their knees before Master Skywalker.
The vision left her then, turning into the smooth flow of the Force, where almost voices wondered if she understood. Helaine felt her head drop, trying to suppress the dislike she held for the Force's message. I understand.
Though her legs ached from remaining in the same position for an undetermined length of time, Helaine stayed put, thinking out what she thought she understood. The wrong was the fact that the Jedi had not been utterly destroyed. Had they been, the New Jedi order would have been better unified. Helaine didn't like the idea that the future would have turned out better that way. As a matter of fact, she hated the fact that she understood the reason why. Most of the knowledge that was left of the Jedi had been twisted, bent around so backwards that it was impossible to discern right from wrong.
The few fragments that remained untainted were often misinterpreted, as was the case with Kyp Durron and the prophecy of the Chosen One. Had there been no knowledge at all of the old Jedi order, Kyp would have had nothing to draw from, and perhaps have little reason to turn away from Master Skywalker's teachings. Without Kyp thinking he was the Chosen One, there was no reason for Helaine to correct him, so she would have died with the others.
And been forgotten.Helaine winced, suddenly reminded of the reason she had chosen to fight Valdemar so many years ago. Even if the first possibility would have been better, Helaine was glad it was the second that actually happened. It gave her a chance to rescue the past from obscurity.
A sudden rush of air blew across her face from the door opening, breaking into Helaine's thoughts and causing her to open her eyes. A young man, with bright blue eyes and curly blond hair, stood in the doorway. He gave her a slight frown, then offered his hand to help her stand. "Lainey, what are you doing?" Jariath Lunceford asked, easily pulling her to her feet.
"Meditating," Helaine replied, moving her legs up and down to work some feeling back into them.
"Oh, well, I am supposed to make sure you're ready for release," Jariath said, releasing her hand to take her arm. "If you wouldn't mind lying down for a bit, it won't take long," he said, his tone concerned.
Helaine nodded, catching a slight discomfort in his tone. She raised an eyebrow at him as she stepped back over to her bed and sat up on it. "What's wrong?"
Jariath shook his head, gently pushing her against the bed. "It's nothing," he declared, running a medisensor over her.
"What's nothing?" Helaine asked, raising an eyebrow. "You can't hide much from a Jedi."
He gave her a rueful smile. "No, you can't." He sighed as he put the medisensor away. "It's just, well, it goes against protocol to release you this early. But... as I understand it, Master Skywalker needs you."
"Oh," Helaine said as she sat up. "Can I go?"
Jariath nodded. "Miranda dropped some clothes off for you." He cocked his head toward a pile of clothing on the chair next to the door. "I'll leave you to change, then escort you to Master Skywalker's apartments."
As soon as Jariath left, Helaine pulled on the dark blue pants and white shirt Miranda had brought for her, dimly aware that she was missing something about him. There was something about his eyes and sense in the Force that was familiar, but not quite. Sighing, Helaine caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her breath caught in her throat. Gone were her eyeglasses and plain padawan clothes. Her hair hung in tangles, framing her slightly pale face. Her fingers idly started running through her tangles, while her own blue eyes met a stranger's. The same stranger she'd been for the past couple weeks. The girl Armand had fallen in love with, the Padawan Master Horn had chosen to apprentice, and the Jedi lost in purpose but not in self.
Armand's words drifted back to her: You took what you wanted from morals that had been deeply ingrained, and shaped them into your own sense of right and wrong. You felt the pain of your past, but it didn't scar you. In that sense you were allowed to be yourself."
Asking her to give up even one of the principles that had shaped her life in the past was too much to ask of Helaine.
But was it for Lainey?
Her hair a somewhat better tamed mop, Helaine stepped away from the mirror and out of that line of thought. Taking a deep breath, she exited her infirmary room and met up with Jariath to go see Master Skywalker.
***
Cianna Darklighter watched Anakin Solo pace around the lounge, desperately trying to soothe a cranky Ben. Cianna chose to school her features into a perfect semblance of serenity to hide her amusement, while Julya Daris wore it openly on her face like a mask. "The great Jedi Knight Anakin Solo," Julie said in a flourishing mocking tone. "Single handedly killed dozens of Vong Warriors armed only with a lightsaber... but is unable to take on one crying baby."
Anakin glared at her. "If you can do better..."
"Don't be ridiculous, of course I can." Julie grinned. "But I need a little entertainment."
Anakin rolled his eyes. "I don't know why I always end up babysitting."
"You're cuter than the nanny droid?" Julie suggested.
"Possibly smarter, too," Jacen added, looking up from the Book of Prophecies to mock his brother.
"Maybe you'd like to watch Ben, Jacen!" Anakin shot back, then cocked his head. "Or would that require you to use the Force?"
Jacen sighed. "You know I've started to use the Force again, just not for trivial things, such as changing Ben."
"Well what harm would it do to use it to calm him?" Anakin grumped.
"Much, if all it would take is the touch of your hand and a soothing voice," Jacen replied smoothly. He pointed to a page in the book. "It says here that using the Force excessively for menial tasks is a sign of corruption in the order."
"What good is a prophecy if we don't know its fulfillment, or the history of the person who wrote it?" Anakin shook his head. "You know, sometimes I think we'd be better off if we knew absolutely nothing about the Old Jedi Order."
The discussion stopped when Lainey and Jariath entered the room. The young man asked if this was the place to be when waiting to meet with Master Skywalker. Anakin nodded politely. Lainey whispered something to Jariath, and after conversing silently with her for a few seconds he left. Anakin sidled over to Lainey, his blue eyes twinkling mischievously. "Hey, Lainey, you know anything about babies?"
"A little," Lainey answered cautiously, giving him a funny look. "Why?"
Anakin gave her his best Solo grin. "I just wondering if you could take Ben for a little while."
"Sure...," Lainey said, taking the cranky baby into her arms. "Whose is he?"
"Uncle Luke's," Anakin replied. "And Aunt Mara's," he amended.
Lainey nodded, rubbing Ben's back before choosing to sit on the floor and lay him beside her. Ben cried harder, flinging his hands and feet. Lainey just tickled him, talking softly to him. He stopped crying, eventually smiling up at her.
Anakin blinked. "How'd you do that?"
"He's just bored," Lainey replied, moving her braid before Ben could grab it.
Cianna smiled, then realized that no one had argued his point yet, because of Lainey and Jariath's entrance. Cianna focused her dark blue eyes on Anakin. "How can you say that, Anakin?"
"Say what?" Anakin asked, confused.
"That we would have been better off not knowing anything about the Old Jedi Order," Cianna prompted.
Lainey's head came up, causing Cianna to wince at her tactical error. Anakin's theory hit her far more personally than anyone else.
"Oh." Anakin shifted his feet uncomfortably, then rose his chin with the force of his conviction. "Well, think about it. If Kyp had never heard of the prophecy of the Chosen One, he never would have gone so far against Uncle Luke, and wouldn't have the following he does. He also wouldn't somehow think he was our grandfather." Anakin's lips quirked humorously, then he turned more serious. "You would never have stopped using the Force to find its true nature, and maybe the Jedi would progress faster if they stopped trying to live in the past."
"But we would have no sense of history!" Cianna argued, hurt by the way the argument had turned.
"Right. We'd have a sense of the future."
"Without knowing what came before, how can we make informed decisions about the future?" Cianna retorted.
"We'd rely on the Force," Anakin stated.
"That's your answer for everything, isn't it, little brother?" Jacen asked, exasperated.
Anakin spread his hands. "What's wrong with it?"
"That you can rely on it too much," Jacen said.
Cianna shook her head, getting up off the couch to sit next to Lainey while Anakin and Jacen argued. "You're pretty good with Ben."
"I worked in the Creche a lot," Lainey said, wincing as Ben caught hold of her hair. She gently worked her thumb into his hand, slowly causing him to release her hair.
Cianna blinked. "They had children this young?"
"Of course, six to eight months was the general age that children came to the temple. They weren't usually accepted after one year."
"Why?" Cianna asked, perplexed.
"Emotional attachments grow too strong after that, and the child is more exposed to fear, anger, and hatred."
Cianna nodded, though she wasn't sure she liked the idea of training babies so young. A dark thought raised a chill up her spine. "What happened to the younger trainees during the purges?"
"We moved them before the first attack on the temple," Lainey replied softly. "I don't know where they were hidden." She hesitated. "Cianna?"
"Yes?"
Lainey took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. "Anakin was right, you know. It would have been better for the new Jedi if they had had no knowledge of us at all."
Cianna grasped Lainey's arm, not missing the pain in her voice. "How can you say that?"
"What little you know hasn't done you any good. It's been twisted, and...," She hesitated. "The Force has shown me the truth of Anakin's words."
"You've had a vision."
Lainey nodded. "It was probably nothing compared to a Seer's, since I was meant to understand it..., but, yes, I did."
"Tell me," Cianna encouraged calmly.
It took a moment for Lainey to gather her thoughts before answering Cianna. Her first vision definitely backed up Anakin's point of view, her second even more so. The details of both faded when Lainey mentioned the same bird that Cianna had seen at the State Dinner, though Lainey had seen far more of it. But why?
Excitement lit Cianna's dark blue eyes as realization sunk in. "Lainey, you're the bird, meant to unite the old order with the new."
Lainey shook her head. "It is not for me to unite them, Cianna, but to advise Master Skywalker..."
"I am looking for Corran Horn's apprentice," boomed a new voice, interrupting the girls' conversation, and also Anakin and Jacen's distant argument. Vanis Ekrof stood in the doorway, making a grand entrance as befit one of Kyp's more prominent apprentices. His cold green eyes searched the room before lighting on Lainey.
"Why do you want her?" Anakin demanded, turning to face Vanis.
Helaine slowly rose to her feet. "Yes, what do you need?"
"I am Vanis Ekrof, apprentice to Jedi Master Kyp Durron," he introduced himself, pulling out a small datapad. "I was wondering if you could look at something for me."
Frowning, Helaine considered the man standing before her. The Force whispered of dark intentions, cautioning her against stepping forward. "What is it?"
"It's a record that the Force tells me you would have unique insights on," Vanis replied smoothly.
Helaine arched an eyebrow, curiosity causing her to nod her assent. He walked over to her, and showed her the contents of the data chip. Her blood ran cold as the images of bodies twisted in unnatural forms appeared on the screen, sending her back into Valdemar's basement.
Helaine shuddered, the touch of his lips worse than the vibroblade's sting. He prodded her further down the corridor, and into a brightly lit room, causing Helaine to squint in order to see her surroundings better. A sickeningly sweet aroma invaded her nostrils. Then she saw the cause of the stench. The room was lined with corpses, all displayed in still motion, like a holo museum. A complete skeleton leaned over an ale mug, his hollow eye sockets searching the contents. Another was propelled up by a repulsor field, raising his lightsaber in a weak attack. Helaine's stomach convulsed into dry heaves, and she fervently squeezed her eyes shut.
"Just think, Helaine," Valdemar calmly reported. "This could be you and your Master, forever displaying your weaknesses to the world. What do you think?"
Just what I always wanted, Helaine thought sarcastically to herself, but her tongue remained still. Valdemar twisted the vibroblade, causing the dull pain in her back to sharpen considerably. Biting her lip, Helaine fought back a squeak.
"I asked you a question," Valdemar said harshly. "What do you think?"
Helaine's mind raced as she tried to think of a suitable answer. "It's horrible," she said softly, preparing herself for another vibroblade thrust.
It didn't come. "Thank you," Valdemar said, sounding pleased.
Helaine shuddered, her hand subconsciously touching the back of her neck where he'd thrust the blade, half expecting to find blood. There was nothing but hair. Her breath caught in her throat as she noticed a new image on the datachip - one of her Master, dead with one eye open. Valdemar had been true to his word. Next to Master Caine, an image of Master Horn formed in her mind's eye, stiff like a corpse, and twisted into one of Valdemar's hideous creations.
Shaking, she backed away from Vanis, anger building as strongly as her pain from losing her Master. It wasn't enough that Valdemar had killed Master Caine, but he chose to mock her as well. She knew full well that Master Horn could follow. Feeling a sob rise in her throat, she groped blindly for the nearest wall, and slammed her fist into it.
Cianna immediately jumped to her feet, rushing over to Helaine and putting an arm around her friend's trembling shoulders.
Anakin stalked toward Vanis. "What did you do to her?"
Jacen grabbed his arm, holding him back. "Let him explain himself, Anakin," he said, his tone frosty.
Vanis spread his hands. "It's simple. It's been claimed that Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen one rather than Kyp Durron. And the claim came from this girl, who says she's the only Jedi of the Old Republic to survive the purges: Helaine Trillium. So the only way to find out the truth was to see if Corran Horn's apprentice, Lainey, really was Helaine." He paused. "So I showed her a holo of Helaine's dead Master, to see how she'd react."
Anakin's face turned beat red, and he muttered under his breath.
Julie stepped regally forward, placing her hands on her slender hips. "Why couldn't you just ask her? Was it really necessary to traumatize the poor girl?"
"I got my answer. Now I must reconsider Master Durron's teachings."
"So that's it?" Julie demanded. "You turn her life to shambles, just so you can go meditate?" She threw up her hands. "I don't believe this!"
Vanis shrugged. "She'll recover."
Jacen had to physically restrain Anakin to keep him from throttling the smug Rogue Jedi. "Okay, Vanis, why don't you take a seat. Julie, go find Uncle Luke, okay? Anakin, go with her. You could use the walk." Jacen's tone was soft, yet no one thought about disobeying his commands.
***
After hours of meeting with his Jedi, Luke Skywalker headed to the lounge to pick up Lainey, anxious to see how she was doing. Halfway there he ran into his nephew, Anakin, and his cousin, Julie. Immediately he sensed that both of them were carefully controlling quite a bit of hostility. Luke frowned, concerned. "What's going on?"
Julie spoke first. "Vanis Ekrof came to visit Lainey. He..."
"Wanted to know if she really was of the old Jedi order, so he showed her a holo of her dead Master," Anakin interrupted, eyes blazing.
"He doesn't care that he hurt her, because he got his answer," Julie added angrily.
Remembering the datachip Kyp had shown him, Luke fought back a wince. He could understand why they were both angry, he felt echoes of it rise within himself. Protecting her from people like Vanis had been one of his primary reasons of keeping Lainey's past so far a secret. She hadn't had enough time to work anything out yet. To ward off any further comments, Luke held up a hand. "Whoa, calm down for a moment. How's Lainey?"
"She's not talking," Anakin replied, taking a deep breath.
"She's not?" Luke asked, furrowing his eyebrow. "I'd better go check on her," Luke said, concerned.
"He says that he's probably going to need to rethink Kyp's teachings," Anakin said, falling into step behind Luke.
"I see," Luke said as they reached the lounge's door and stepped in. Holding a whimpering Ben, Jacen stood facing Vanis. Lainey leaned against the wall, one fist raised above her head. Cianna had her arm around her, talking softly to her. Nodding to Jacen, he went over to Lainey, excusing Cianna with a gentle touch to her arm. She inclined her head, stepping graciously away. Luke reached down to rest his hand on Lainey's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly.
Lainey tensed, bowing her head. "I'm sorry, Master Skywalker," she said softly, her voice thick with emotion. "It's just... I was in the room where he," she took a shaking breath. "Where he put the dead Jedi and made art work of their corpses. He called it displaying their weaknesses to the world... and said he would do the same for me and my Master." Luke slipped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. Lainey froze, her emotions ranging from thinking his touch slightly strange, to shame for crying in front of him, and gratitude for his support.
After a short while, she started talking again, in the same quiet tone. "It seems like only yesterday, and since I didn't die I didn't expect..." she hesitated, her hands shaking for a moment. She clasped her hands into fists, shaking her head. "I know that's no excuse for lack of control," she sighed. "I used to be better at it."
Luke frowned slightly, sensing her prepare herself for an admonition. Remembering the years that had been tainted by unreleased dark feelings in him, Luke tightened his hand on her shoulder. He had suffered a great deal from never fully allowing his wounds to heal and he wasn't going to watch Lainey do the same. "It's okay to show emotion, you're forgetting that you are human as well as Jedi."
"Sometimes I wonder if it is possible to be both."
"Finding the balance is what makes a great Jedi Knight."
Lainey moved her head up to look at him. "Sounds like something Master Qui-Gon Jinn would say. He was well respected, but a bit...unorthodox." She cocked her head. "He was also known for his compassion."
"I'm sure Qui-Gon Jinn was a good man. I'd like to learn more about him. But first let's talk about you," Luke said gently, his tone inviting no argument.
"What about me?" Lainey asked evasively.
Luke met her gaze, making sure he held it before answering. "How are you doing, Lainey?" he asked, sincerely concerned.
Helaine lowered her eyes, knowing she couldn't give him anything less than an honest answer. "I don't know," she admitted wearily. "I've been scared that Jedi Durron would be the next Vader, but the Force has revealed to me he'll come back to you. That's good but," she hesitated, tears returning to her eyes. "Vanis reminded me that the man who killed Master Caine is still alive, and he has Master Horn." She bowed her head, feeling the tears run freely down her cheeks. "I can't lose him too."
"You won't," Master Skywalker said, pulling her into a warm hug and allowing her to cry against his shoulder.
Copyright 2002 by Luney.
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