Author's Note: This part of the story has very little whatsover to do with The Green Bay Packers. This was intended to be a prologue to a second part I was intending to write, but that was a few years ago. Also, if you have not seen The Hour of the Wolf, don't read any farther, for I spoil everything except for the stuff that happens on Centauri Prime, and a basic knowledge of this episode is required to understand everything that's going on. Also, there may be very slight spoilers for Whatever Happened to Mr. Garibaldi.
COPYRIGHT NOTICE: These characters are not mine, but belong to Warner Brothers and PTEN. They were created by J. Michael Straczynski. The Green Bay Packers are also not mine, obviously, or else I'd be much richer right now. Some of the dialogue is even not mine, but was written by JMS. Practically the only thing that is mine is the idea to write this. There, I hope that covers everything.
And so it begins...
(G'Kar speaks over everything happening on screen. At the moment, we see Ivanova sitting at the bar, doing a great many shots.)
G'KAR: It is now seven days since we lost Captain Sheridan and Mr. Garibaldi, leaving Commander Ivanova in charge of Babylon 5. She is not taking this well. It is as though her heart has been pierced and her spirit has poured out through the wound. Everyone around here seems to think it's because two of her dearest friends are missing and/or dead, but do you know what I think? I think it's because she didn't get to see the big boom. Anyway, she blames herself. It is foolish. It is destructive. It is turning her into a drunkard and endangering everyone here.
(During this scene, Londo is shown into his quarters by two guards and a servant, all wearing green and gold. They leave, and Londo stares out the window longingly.)
G'KAR: Ambassador Mollari has returned to Wisconsin Prime to take up his position as Advisor on Planetary Morale. I suppose he is quite happy with his new position. It is what he has always wanted: power, title, responsibilty. Don't ask me why. Sounds like an Excedrin moment to me. But I think he is more alone than anyone else in the universe. Maybe this job will make him feel like somebody likes him. G'Quon knows I don't.
(An anorexic Delenn kneels, hands clasped in prayer, before the vidscreen, which continuously plays Sheridan's last message to her.)
G'KAR: Delenn has refused to eat for seven days, fasting, praying, and waiting. Fasting because she abso-fraggin-lutely refuses to eat one more meal from McDonalds. Waiting for someone to realize that Ivanova has a drinking problem and is letting the station go to hell. Why is she praying? Because it's easier to do that then it is to have Ivanova relieved of duty, because that would mean that Delenn would be in charge of the station, which would give her less time to devote to mourning Captain Sheridan. I can't believe it, but Delenn actually believes that he is alive. I think she is the only one who does.
(Now we see G'Kar, busily writing away in his book.)
G'KAR: The Shadows have paused in their pursuit of war. And, everywhere, there is a sense of imminent change. Whether it is a change for good or for ill, only JMS can tell, because he hasn't yet answered two very important questions. Where is Mr. Garibaldi, and what happened to Captain Sheridan at Z'ha'dum?
(Music crescendoes as screen goes black.)
(The typical action shots run througout the voiceover.)
MARCUS: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the year of pain, it was the year of joy. It was the science fiction version of A Tale of Two Cities, otherwise known as A Tale of Two First Ones, guest-starring the Younger Races. Well, I guess we're almost to the part of the credits where normally we'd see whose playing which character, but since this will never be filmed, I think we can dispense with that nonsense. So, without further ado, I turn you back over to G'Kar.
(G'Kar, seated at his desk, looks up and faces the camera.)
G'KAR: Hello, my name is G'Kar, and I'll be your narrator for the duration of this parody. I decided that since most of what I covered already is really irrelevant to what happens on Wisconsin Prime, I might as well spend a little time telling you about the stuff that didn't happen there.
(G'Kar's voice speaks over all action on the screen. Right now, Ivanova, Delenn, Lennier, and G'Kar are arguing with the League of Non-Aligned Worlds.)
G'KAR: To begin with, Ivanova, Delenn, Lennier, and I confronted the League of Non-Aligned Worlds to try to hold the alliance together. I knew, however, that our attempt was doomed the moment I laid eyes on Ivanova. She was obviously three sheets to the wind. Not that her diplomacy was that great to begin with. Then again, she has been taking lessons from Sheridan. I can still remember Sheridan telling me to go sit in my quarters, stick my fingers in my ears, and hum real loud if I didn't like something.
(Delenn walks over by Ivanova and argues with the League.)
G'KAR: I admire Delenn for even being able to attend the meeting, let alone come to Ivanova's rescue. Unfortunately, it was painfully obvious to everyone present that the only thing Delenn had in her mind was finding Captain Sheridan. And, like me, everyone else seems to agree that he's a lost cause.
(Lennier joins Delenn and Ivanova.)
G'KAR: Lennier was just as worthless, quoting rules and regulations for hours on end until he had the League members either falling asleep or ready to throw tomatoes at him. I knew then that something had to be done, and fast.
(G'Kar joins the other three and yells at League. Shouting goes back and forth, neither side happy.)
G'KAR: I don't want to sound biased or anything, but I honestly believe that had I been in charge of this meeting from the beginning, we might still have an alliance. I should've stepped in sooner. I should've realized that Delenn and Ivanova were in no condition to be in charge. But I also realize that the League would have listened to no one else, so what else could I have done?
(The League members file out, leaving Delenn, Lennier, Ivanova, and G'Kar alone in the room.)
G'KAR: And thus the alliance more or less fell apart. We were all sitting ducks for the Shadows. So what does everyone else decide to do? Sit around planning ways to rescue Sheridan!
(G'Kar is shown once again sitting at his desk and speaking to the camera.)
G'KAR: I mean, come on! Captain Sheridan was at ground zero of a thermonuclear detonation! Two five-megaton bombs practically exploded on top of his head! Vir, who got it straight from Mollari's sources, who witnessed the blast, told Ivanova as much. Not that I don't blame her for not believing him. The Shadows aren't known for being trustworthy sources. Then again, neither are the Centauri, although I would almost believe Vir. But, for G'Quon's sake, Kosh more or less came right out and told Delenn that he was dead! And, because he happened to be spotted jumping into a hole seconds before the blast, they got it in their heads that Sheridan might have somehow survived!
(Switch to G'Kar and Zack, seen talking in Garibaldi's quarters. G'Kar speaks throughout the scene.)
G'KAR: It was about this time that I realized that staying around here was stupid. Keep in mind that the Wisconsinites have a price on my head because I used to play for the Cowboys, and this is the only place where I am safe from them. But I decided that what they had in store for me couldn't be any worse than hanging around here and listening to everyone else go on about a dead man, especially when there was another man out there that actually had a chance of still being alive. So I decided to take a lone ship and cruise around the galaxy until everyone got their priorites straight. I was going to leave without saying a thing to anyone, disguising myself by wearing Mr. Garibaldi's hat. I figured no one would even notice for two reasons. One, nobody seemed to even care if Mr. Garibaldi was alive or not, and two, it seems that nobody pays a lot of attentino to strange occurences in the corridors anyway. But this time I was wrong. Zack caught me breaking into Mr. Garibaldi's quarters, so I had to come up with a good story, and fast, or else I'd be arrested for breaking and entering, and I've spent more than enough time in jail already in the past year. So I told him I was going to go look for Mr. Garibaldi. He believed me. And I guess, since I do plan to travel extensively, I could make an effort to look for him. After all, he's probably still alive!
(G'Kar speaks to the camera again.)
G'KAR: So, what happened after I left? Well, I heard that Delenn and Ivanova went to Z'ha'dum on their wild-goose chase, leaving no one in charge. Hell, they left hardly anybody there, since they took Lennier and Lyta with them. That place had to have been run by either Zack, Franklin, or Corwin. That's a real intelligent command decision! You can tell Ivanova must've been drunk when she made that one. Corwin's too young and inexperienced to know what he's doing, Franklin's a doctor, and Zack is so hesitant about making a decision that, if Babylon 5 were to come under attack, it would be destroyed in a heartbeat. Of course, they could have always left Kosh in charge. (Shudders) Scary thought!
(Delenn, Ivanova, and Lyta stand staring at the viewscreen on the White Star. Lennier is in the background. G'Kar speaks through this, also.)
G'KAR: Anyway, I guess it it was an interesting trip. And trip it was! I'd like to know where they got the stash from. It sounds like they had an experience to rival my dabbling with Dust. According to Lennier, first of all Delenn started to do her Roger Daltrey impersonation, singing, "Johnny, can you hear me?" Then they all saw some hallucination that Ivanova thought she'd seen somewhere before, but I think she was just remembering her last drinking binge. Unless they were using her stash and she just has the same hallucination every time she uses the drug.
(G'Kar speaks to the camera again.)
G'KAR: What else happened? Not much. Lyta was abused again by her new husband Kosh. Vorlon marriage laws are so ridiculous! If a woman marries a man and her husband dies, she automatically has to marry the husband's brother. It's too bad that the brother in this case happens to be such a jerk. He's so bad that many people have taken to calling him Kosh Vader behind his back.
(Lyta and Ivanova are shown talking in Ivanova's quarters. G'Kar once more is heard speaking over the action.)
G'KAR: Lyta went to Ivanova for a nice chat, but Ivanova was so drunk that she passed out on her. Lyta sent her a nasty email message the next morning, telling her off. Ivanova, forced to face reality, told her hand that she would go to the next AA meeting.
(G'Kar, still speaking, stares thoughtfully into the camera.)
G'KAR: (sighing) I could go back there, I suppose. Things seem to be getting better. But I don't feel like it yet. I haven't had this much fun in years or felt so free, not since before I became ambassador. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly, and I've even found a clue as to whatever happened to Mr. Garibaldi. I might as well follow it up. At least somebody will accomplish something, and I feel like I owe him something. Which reminds me, I should be going. I have a meeting with a man in a bar regarding a missing Starfury. May G'Quon be with you.
Copyright 1997 by Kelly M. Grosskreutz.
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